You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
nutella sex= disaster
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
