There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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