WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
