you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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