Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
