No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
