She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
