I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
