The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
