I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
