I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
