The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
