Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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