and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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