i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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