hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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