Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
