last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
