party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There r osticjed everywhere
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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