dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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