New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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