I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm always down for nudity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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