After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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