my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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