Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
