Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
