in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
