yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
