Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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