No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
vagina is talking i cant
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
