Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
