This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
