My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
