Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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