Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
