u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
