Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
