Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
