Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
