I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
