I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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