she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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