Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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