yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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