i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
