nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
