life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
