we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
