i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
