Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
