I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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