Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
