the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
