what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
