I met the friendliest cop last night
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
