It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
