I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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