Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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