It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
