Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
